xt7d513txg2r https://exploreuk.uky.edu/dips/xt7d513txg2r/data/mets.xml The Kentucky Kernel Kentucky -- Lexington The Kentucky Kernel 2005-06-23 Earlier Titles: Idea of University of Kentucky, The State College Cadet newspapers English Contact the Special Collections Research Center for information regarding rights and use of this collection. The Kentucky Kernel The Kentucky Kernel, June 23, 2005 text The Kentucky Kernel, June 23, 2005 2005 2005-06-23 2020 true xt7d513txg2r section xt7d513txg2r Thursday
June 23, 2005
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newsroom: 257-1915

First Issue tree Subsequent issues 25 cents.

Celebrating 33 years of independence

THE KENTUCKY

erne

”7‘7 L .

Spice up your life
with Bourbon n' Toulouse
Page 2

. The Woodsman:

Worth watching
Page 3

Interest
in debt
owed

debated

By Tiffany Stephens
THE «mum mm

Yesterday. local scholars
and Lexingtonians gathered
at the Central Library The-
ater to debate the moral im-
plications of reparations.

Speakers and Lexington
citizens discussed the con-
sideration of reparations
for the black community
and how ti is might affect
society.

They also discussed
racism and discrimination
that is still found in the
community.

This discussion was the
fifth installment in a series
presented by the Lexington
Network titled “The Repa-
rations Debate: The Moral
Perspective."

The series leads up to a
final community meeting
on .luly 19.

The concluding meeting
will give community citi-
zens a chance to brain-
storm possible reparations
initiatives.

Rev. James Kirby. a
church and theology profes-
sor at Lexington Theologi-
cal Seminary and a staunch
supporter of reparations
told the audience why he
thought the black commu-
nity was entitled to com-
pensation.

He began the debate by
describing to the audience
the historical value of repa-
rations and its definition.

“Reparations is an act of
compensation." Kirby said.
“it is repairing or mend-
ing.“

He said reparations is a
part of history that dates
back to biblical times. Kir-
by said. He recited many
quotes from the Bible that
mentioned reparations.

Kirby also referred to
recent historic examples of
reparations being paid to
amend wrongdoings.

He told the audience
about reparations paid to
many Japanese~Americans
for their stays in intern-
ment camps during World
War I]. and Germany's offer
of reparations to Israel for
the Holocaust.

Arguments against repae
rations were also addressed
in Kirby‘s debate.

Kirby said to those who
ask why they have to pay
for past ancestor‘s mistakes
that the injustice of the
past is still here.

ile also stated that jus-
tice has not been served for
slavery and Jim (‘row laWs.

“My response to this
"forgive and forget' ap-
proach is reconciliation
can only come in the form
of justice." Kirby said.

Kirby argued the impor-
tance of this issue to the
black community. saying
that reparations was anoth-
er form of ”justice."

“l‘m convinced that
reparations for African

See DEBATE on page 2

College

By Thomas B. Edsall=
viii: mama. Post
WASHINGTON For
decades. elections in the Col-
lege Republicans have been
known as “sandbox politics."
a iowstakes training ground
that has produced such mas-
ters as Lee Atwater. Karl
Rove. Ralph Reed and vaer
Norquist.
“it's like passion mixed
with (‘learasil." said conserv-
ative publicist (‘raig Shirley.

"Skateboarding Day."

On the

Flip

tition.

mum urns
(Right) Cody Robinson does a trick during t e

ska e competition.

soon mi sun
(Above) A skater in “The invasion" skate compe-

STAFF

mml snrr

Brooks Shuping, 17, of Lexington, gets some air during "The invasion" skate competition at Woodland Park on Tuesday. June 21 was

Side

For Skatebarding Day on June let, Cosmic of Fayette Mall in
Lexington sponsored “The Invasion" skate competition
at Woodland Park.

runs off

THE KENTUCKY KERNEL

Randolph Morris made it
ofﬁcial on Tuesday He's fore-
going his ﬁnal three years of
college eligibility to remain
in the NBA draft. bringing a
swift close to his short UK ca-
reen

Morris contacted the
NBA executive ofﬁce around
5 pm. Tuesday to conﬁrm his
decision. Tuesday was the
deadline for underclassmen
to remove their name from
the draft in order to return to
college.

UK head coach Tubby
Smith has been preparing for
life after Morris since early
May. when the freshman cen-
ter first notified him by fax
that he was testing the NBA
waters. Since then. Morris
and his family have avoided
contact with the UK coach-
ing staff.

Smith issued a statement
Tuesday night following con-
firmation of Morris' depar-
ture.

“Randolph was an impor-
tant part of our team last
year and will certainly be
missed." Smith said in the re
lease. "We wish him the very
best as he pursues a profes-
sional basketball career. just
as we have with every player
who has pursued those op-
portunities in the past. I feel
good about the players we
have coming back next sea-
son and the newcomers
we've added to the roster. I
look forward to getting start-
ed with this group in the
fall.“

Morris has worked out
for several NBA teams in the
last few weeks. including the
Los Angeles Lakers. Sacra-
mento Kings and Houston
Rockets.

Some draft analysts pro—
ject Morris as a late ﬁrst-
round pick. while others pre-
dict he'll fall to the second
round. Players drafted in the
first round receive guaran-
teed three-year contracts.
while second round picks
aren't assured of a contract
at all.

In a phone interview on
Lexington's 630 WLAP AM
Tuesday night. Morris‘ fa-
ther Ralph said his son is
willing to take the risk of
falling out of the ﬁrst round
in order to fulﬁll his lifelong
dream of playing in the
NBA. He also said his son
made the decision to leave
UK on his own. and thanked
fans for supporting Randolph
during his time in Lexington.

Morris averaged 8.8
points and 4.4 rebounds per
game last year. but his num-
bers improved substantially
down the stretch He record»
ed a double-double in the sec—
ond round of the NCAA
Tournament against Cincin-
nati. scoring 11 points and
grabbing 10 boards. In the
Wildcats' regional final loss
to Michigan State he posted
20 points.

Morris' departure
leaves the Cats with just two
returning starters. guards
Rajon Rando and Patrick
Sparks.

The NBA draft will
be held June 28 in New York
City.

Email
jsullieant’akykernelcom

Republicans raise funds and eyebrows if

a former College Republican.

This year. however. a new
ingredient has raised the
stakes: large sums of money.
Forced by the 2002 campaign
ﬁnance law to become an in-
dependent 527 political com-
mittee. the College Republi-
can organization has turned
into a fundraising gold mine.

The College Republican
National Committee is no
longer a poor cousin to the
Republican National Com-
mittee. dependent on a

$150,000 stipend for survival.
The days when officers and
staff shared cramped apart
ments. slept on mattresses on
the ﬂoor and drank cheap
beer are now in the past.

in 2003 and 2004. the
CRN(‘ raised a total of $17.3
million.

Most of the money went
to pay fundraising costs. but
more than $2 million was left
over to hire ﬁeld operatives.
pay top ofﬁcers and staff and
cover ofﬁce and travel ex-

penses.

The large operating bud-
get has made the (‘RNC
chairmanship a much
sought-after political plum.
But it has also generated con-
troversy within the group
over the tactics being used to
raise such large sums.

As the campaign for the
chairmanship of the (‘ollege
Republicans heats up. the
two candidates Michael
Davidson of California and
Paul Gourley of South Dako

ta are fighting over the
techniques used to raise the
$17 million.

Gourley. a senior at the
University of South Dakota.
is the current national trea-
surer and is viewed as the es-
tablishment candidate.

The pattern in recent
years has been for the estab-
lishment candidate to win
easily. sometimes without op
position. Davidson went to
the University of California
at Berkeley and in 2003 was

chairman of the state Col-
lege Republicans.

The current chairman.
Eric Hoplin. and Gourley
have been attacked by critics
for allowing Response Dy-
namics. the company doing
fundraising. to use question-
able methods.

These tactics included re
peated solicitations using let-
terheads and language sug-
gesting that money donated

SeeCIKonpageZi

Thursday
June 23,2005
PAGE 2

Features

Ryan Ebelhar
atures Co-Editor

Phone: 251-l9l5
E-mailzteaturesﬂliyliernel.com

Frankly. before begin-
T'ning this article. I‘d never
meard of Bourbon n‘
;_Toulouse but had always
Ldriven past it, never know-
f-ing of its existence.
., The “Cajun n' Creole
ljoint" offers all dishes for
T‘$5 (tax included). and
:drinks cost $1 (also includ-
-_ing tax) with free refills.
, Just in case anyone needs
."to know all the food con-
:tains rice.
‘ I was really surprised
‘ when I first walked into
TBourbon n‘ Toulouse. I‘ll
:admit. I was expecting a
Lshabby atmosphere.
,f‘ Was I surprised when I
-walked in to eat?

Well. there are two
' rooms plus the kitchen.

A chalkboard menu is

prominently displayed in
j the first room. and patrons
order food at the counter.

To the left is the soda
fountain and bottled drinks.

j including Kentucky‘s own
A1e-8-One.

The first room is paint
ed a chili-pepper red and
the second, mustard yellow.

The backs of the booths
have jazz theme paintings

. and abstract paintings with
. Mardi Gras beads hang
' from the ceiling above the
‘ counter.

Blues play gently in the

background. just loud

' enough to bear, but not so
loud that conversation is
drowned out.

The food at Bourbon n'
Toulouse is good e out of
three dishes. mine was the
only one I was not com
pletely satisfied with.

I ordered the special of
the day — Chicken (‘reole
with black bean salsa.

Now every other dish
that I have had with that
name. I've immensely en»

.joyed.

However at Bourbon n'
Toulouse they used canned
tomatoes. which I think ru-
ins a meal: the tomato taste

meal could have had.

hand. had some of the best
Creole food that I've ever
tasted.

over ran any other taste the

My friends. on the other .

One friend had .Iambal- 3

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Violin sophomore Anna Hess eats at Bourbon n' Toulouse with friend Chris Sullivan of Lexington.

aya e~ absolutely the best-
tasting that I‘ve ever tried.
My other friend had Chick~
en Etoufee. which was mag-
nificent, with refried beans
and chicken mixed in the
sauce.

Both dishes were just
spicy enough that the heat
didn‘t overwhelm my taste
buds.

In case you have room
for dessert they do sale pra-
lines and other packaged
cookies at the counter.

Budweiser. Bud Light
and Miller Light are avail-
able for diners 21 and older.

I went in during the
lunch hour because I had to
meet a deadline. and the
place was filled with busi-
ness people. and most of
them ate right in the store.

For the most part. every:
one was enjoying the at
mosphere and the music.
No one at Bourbon n'
Toulouse ate alone it's a
great place to go with
friends and have a plate of
jambalaya.

E-mail:
jean/rest: Iri'kernelrom

Bourbon n' Toulouse

Address: 829 Euclid
Phone: 335-0300
Hours: ll am. to 9 pm. Sunday through
Thursday; 11 am. to l0 pm. Friday and
Saturday

r—~———-—- kw .. , - u , »-— —-—A "N

sum I.“ I STAFF

Bourbon n' Toulouse offers a variety of daily specials and hot sauces to

spice to meet any taste.

s’iéi’BoureBn
r3" Touiouse

Continued from page 1

“,Americans cannot be dismissed." he reparation initiatives.

said.

Kirby concluded by saying that. _ ..
without acknowledgement of wrong- "he"? Mayors "3'"an Center
doings. equality cannot take place. 1055|ndustry Rd.

and that reparations are
blacks on “moral grounds".

“This is the argument for collec-
tive moral responsibility." Kirby said.

Rabbi Marc Kline of

The Reparations Debate
‘VhathavewelearnedmhatwillwedoT'

What: The final meeting in The Reparations
Debate Series. This meeting will give citi-
zens the chance to brainstorm possible

When: 7 pm. to 9 pm. July 19

owed to _
The meeting IS tree and open to the public.

Temple

Adath Israel spoke in opposition of cestors.
reparations being the “final answer" “I refuse to hand to my children
to racism and discrimination in the the legacy of victimhood.” Kline said.

community.

Kline also addressed the issue of

“When we talk about black reparar racism in the Lexington community.
tions. we ignore the greater problem: saying if Lexmgton's white communi-

hate,“ Kline said.

ty were asked if there was racism and

He referred to reparations as a discrimination in the community.
“Band-Aid." and not a solution to the most would say “no“ because they are

root of the problem.

not aware of II.

He compared racism to a cancer- "The basis of the problem of
ous tumor that may spread if the white privilege is that we don't real-
; “core of the problem“ is not ad- ize there is a white privilege.“ he

dressed.

said.

Kline also told the audience about The state of mind in our society
- his personal experiences with repara- would not be changed by the issue of

tions.

reparations. Kline said.

He said he personally did not be- “We are not going to solve the
: lieve in Holocaust reparations be problem by writing checks." he said,
: cause he didn‘t want to benefit mone “There is no moral victory in a legal
. tarily from what happened to his an- victory."

teak muss

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NO All

Kirby responded to Kline‘s state-
ment by saying that reparations are
not just about writing checks. He said
his idea of “suitable" reparations
would be "bridging the economic
gap" between blacks and whites in
the forms of education and health-
care.

Kirby suggested reparations in the
form of free tuition for black students
for a certain amount of time and free
healthcare for blacks.

Kline said the community should
not focus on the past. and should en-
courage change in the way future
generations think about racial rela-
tions.

"We have to become proactive in
making the next generation make bet-
ter decisions than we‘ve made." he
said.

Myra Parks. a Kentucky State Uni-
versity student. said that reparations
is a very important topic for the en-
tire Lexington community to address.
and problems relating to slavery are
still deeply rooted in our society

“This is still relevant." Parks said.
“We are not just playing the role of
victim; it goes beyond that."

E-mail
news a kyli ernelrom

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MOVIES You MISSEDI Go rent them

By Tiffany Stephens
erutucn mm

This week's film selec-
tion is a great departure
from last week's feel-good
comedy But I’m a Cheer-
leader.

Although The Woods-
man won’t put you in the
best mood. it will deﬁnitely
make you think about the
torment a deviant mind
goes through in our society.

In this gripping portray-
al of a sexual predator's at-
tempt at normalcy. taboos
are revealed and addressed.

This film not only en-
tails serious subject matter,
but it also portrays the top-
ic of child sexual abuse
from a different point of
view: the child molester’s.

The Woodsman (2004).
directed by Nicole Kassell,
follows a pedophile that re-
turns to his hometown after
12 years in prison for mo-
lesting young girls.

Kevin Bacon plays sad—
eyed, quiet Walter. a man
haunted by the things he
has done, and the looming
battle ahead to function
normally in society after
being labeled a monster.

Bacon’s role as a tor-
mented soul constantly bat-
tling between what feels
good and what’s right is
captivating and thought
provoking.

This is easily the best
performance of his bland
career (although Tremors is
one of my favorite action
ﬁlms).

Kyra Sedgwick. Bacon‘s
real-life wife. plays Vicki,
Walter‘s “love interest" and
chance at a normal, healthy
relationship. Though Vicki
is obviously damaged goods
herself. their relationship
seems genuine and loving.

Vicki. even after finding
out about Walter‘s dark
past. pursues a relationship
with him. hoping that with
love. Walter will make it
through his eternal strug-

gles with guilt and regret.

The movie takes on a
suspenseful tone when Wal-
ter has to decide which di-
rection he will take: Will he
go against society‘s idea of
normalcy and succumb to
his sexual desires. or will
he slowly rebuild his life as
a “human being." not a so-
called monster?

The most troubling and
heart-breaking scene of the
film is when Walter has to
choose what direction his
life will take on a park
bench. sitting next to a lit-
tle girl.

What is so alluring
about this film is that Wal-
ter isn't instantly “cured“
of his unconventional sexu-
al desires when he gets out
of prison. This is a daring
and realistic approach to
this taboo topic.

\\’( H ll lSMAN

His mind isn‘t complete-
ly free of thoughts of little
girls “sitting on his lap.“
And. although Walter is
clearly haunted by what he
has done to children. he
still experiences the urge to
be with children.

As pessimistic as not be-
ing cured of sexual de-
viance may sound. it takes
the movie into unknown
territory. The predator's
struggle is profiled. not the
victim‘s.

This film may be trou-
bling to many. and it may
make viewers reconsider
their definitions of a “mon-
ster."

But sometimes the best
films those that make you
reconsider why you believe
what you believe.

E-mail
featuresm kykernelcom

Mom was wrong: Games are good

By Bob Thompson
ms msmnctou Posr

NEW YORK * There
seem to be two Steven John-
sons. And at this particular
moment. it‘s hard to believe
they‘re the same guy.

There‘s Steven Johnson.
Swell Dad. who sits with you
in his Brooklyn dining room
and politely interrupts your
conversation to commune
with a way-cute toddler
who‘s dashed in bearing bot-
tled water and news from the
outside world. “Hi. Rowan!
Oh. thank you. that‘s very
helpful. Was it hot outside.
buddy?" he says.

Then there‘s Steven John-
son. Parents‘ Nightmare.
who’s been parading around
calling video games like
Grand Theft Auto and TV
shows like “24“ brain food for
your kids. He‘s the provoca-
teur who titled his most re-
cent book “Everything Bad Is
Good for You: How Today‘s
Popular Culture Is Actually
Making Us Smarter“ A a de-
liberate nana-nana-boo-boo
to the Books Are Better
crowd.

“The most debased forms
of mass diversion — video
games and violent television
dramas and juvenile sitcoms
-—— turn out to be nutritional
after all," Johnson writes.
They offer an increasingly
rigorous “cognitive work»
out." And the mental skills

they hone ”are just as impor-
tant as the ones exercised by
reading books."

Well.

He steeled himself for a
negative reaction A because
if "Everything Bad" did its
job. it was going to make
some people mad.

What about the stuff
“Everything Bad" ignores?
What about all that sex and
violence you don’t want your
kids exposed to? Or the high-
ly addictive nature of video
games? Or the toxic sea of
commercialism in which all
that televised complexity
must ﬂoat?

But it would be best. per-
haps. to start with some
points of agreement.

You agree that book-lov-
ing snobs tend to ignore the
fact that Video games can be
challenging and absorbing.

Games aren't “Hamlet“
or “The Great Gatsby." John-
son writes; they‘re more like
mathematical logic prob-
lems. teaching “abstract
skills in probability. in pat-
tern recognition. in under-
standing causal relations
that can be applied in counts
less situations."

But he plays down. or
leaves out entirely. too many
questions: What about all
that sex and violence? Does
Grand Theft Auto have to
make people smarter by re-
warding them for killing
prostitutes?

“I feel like the values
questions. the violence ques-
tions. all those kind of con-
tent questions that I kind of
put off to the side. I don't put
off to the side because
they‘re irrelevant." he says.
Violence "is absolutely a le-
gitimate thing to talk about."

Can‘t constantly gaming
kids become addicted? “Ab-
solutely. No question about
it." Johnson says. but the
brain‘s craving for rewards.
like the Force in Star Wars.
can be used for good as well:
“You can get them to do
things much mere challeng
ing mentally than what I was
doing when I was sitting
around watching TV" as a
kid.

Even reality television is
better than old-time game
shows or "Mork & Mindy." he
maintains. because it en-
hances the viewers‘ emotion—
al intelligence by getting
them to “analyze and recall
the full range of social rela
tionships in a large group."

Wouldn't they learn
faster by turning off the tube
and interacting with actual
human beings?

"Exactly right." he says
calmly. But if you assume
“people are going to spend
some amount of their time in
front of screens "

Not assuming that. ap-
parently. isn‘t an option.

CRNC

Continued from page I

would go directly to the Re-
publican Party or to the
Bush campaign. Some of the
recipients of the appeals
were elderly men and women
suffering from dementia.

One of the most contro»
versial solicitations carried
the letterhead “Republican
Headquarters 2004" and
asked for $1.000 “because you
have been such a patriot. a
Republican stalwart and a
loyalist to President Bush
and the GOP agenda."

The letter was signed by
“Paul Gourley. National Di-
rector."

Gourley said that he nev-
er saw the letter until it was
posted on a blog. and that he
never approved either the
content or the use of his
name.

He. Hoplin and others in
national headquarters led a
long negotiation to end the
contract with Response Dy-
namics. he said.

Davidson‘s platform calls
for the College Republicans
to ”align our fundraising
practices with our princi~
pies."

Davidson declines to pub-
licly criticize Hoplin and
Gourley. But a pro-Davidson
blog titled “CRNC Chatter:
Truth Fears No Trial“ de-
clared “Paul Gourley was the
one who signed the fundrais~
ing letters that has brought
this organization so much
negative attention. contro-
versy. and innertﬁghting."

Meanwhile. the pro-
Gourley “CR Veterans For
Truth" ran a statement from
Rhode Island College Repub-
lican chairman Pratik
Chougule charging that the
Davidson campaign is
spreading lies about Gourley.

“l was mislead into
changing my support."

Chougule said.

“Not only was the infor»
mation I received false. I dis-
covered that it was given to
me from a Davidson insider."

The Gourley-Davidson
campaign has produced op-
position research that would
be the envy of a presidential
campaign.

The campaigns have
lined up endorsements from
members of the House and
Senate. governors and con-
servative talk radio hosts.

“The College Republi-
cans have become something
they never were." said David
Keene. chairman of the
American Conservative
Union.

“I think obviously it's a
more powerful and influen-
tial organization. and it
means the chairman is even
more a player. If you have an
independent base. that
means party leaders can't

just tell you. “Shut up. kid. “ g
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Thursday
June 23. 2005
PAGE 4

it‘lili‘! Eilg “Lid: :3

Hillary Canada. Editor-in-chiet
Den Roberts, Opinions editor
Crystal Little. Copy desk chief
Diamond Ioliuda, Desiqn editor

Doug Scott, News editor

Chris Johnson, Sports editor

Iittany Stephens. Features co-editor
Ryan Ebelhar, Features co-editor

doesn’t care.
They should.

In a 7-4 decision on June 20, the US. Court
of Appeals for the Seventh Circuit over-
turned a lower court’s ruling on I-iosty v.
Carter. effectively dismissing college journal-
ists‘ claims of First Amendment violations at
Governors State University in Illinois.

The decision maintains that the US.
Supreme Court’s 1988 Hazelwood School
District v. Kuhlmeier case, which allows
school ofﬁcials to “reasonably" censor high-
school media, also applies to college and uni-

versity campuses.

Well, that’s a devastating blow to First

Opinions
Ewart ruling bad news for free press

Free speech could become a thing of the
past on college campuses across the nation,
and more than likely, the average student

public. exposing corrup
tion and championing the
exchange of ideas in a
public forum.

The Hosty v. Carter
decision erodes that abili-

ty.

Though The Kernel is
an independent. student
run publication. we don't
pay rent for our ofﬁces in
the basement of the

Amendment rights. to say the least.
Journalism ~— yes. even college media ~ .
should act as a “watchdog" of sorts for the

sity payroll.

effect

Does this mean our voice —— and yours, in
should be subject to censorship by

. «z

. s 9 was:

Without it. journalism doesn‘t exist.

Without it. freedom of expression doesn‘t
exist.

And to students and citizens everywhere.

university ofﬁcials?

Application of Hazelwood
case to college newspapers
means more power for
administration.

Certainly not —— then.
it would merely be a pup
pet to the administration.

And a puppet newspa-
per is not a newspaper at
all: it's a propaganda
machine.

Apathetic college stu-
dents everywhere (and

that should be a matter of utmost impor-
tance.

College media isn't the only student-run
organization under potential fire from Hosty
v. Carter ~ Student Government, student-
selected speakers and even the free ﬁlms
shown in the Student Center are subject to
administrative control.

80 show how much you care. Let the

Grehan Building. Our student media adviser
and business manager are technically gov-
ernment ofﬁcials because they're on univer-

implications of free speech. Without it. we‘re
simply drones, parroting the virtues of an
institution that no one bothers to question.

especially on this campus)
need to be aware of the

administration know you care about your
right to freely express yourself.

It's a matter of personal freedom that no
government-sanctioned body should dare dic-
tate.

AARON SMITH, THE KENTUCKY KERNEL

When I think about cancer, I touch myself

I stood. half naked. in front of

the mirror. '
I was intensely making sure I

was actually
feeling what I
hoped to God I
wasn‘t feeling.
Although I
couldn‘t see it. it
felt exactly as
the Web site
as». said it would:

“A small
Jonatha

lump or mass on
Meador the side or the
mm cotuumsr

front of the
testes.“

Panicked. I called my girl
friend into the bedroom.

In matters concerning my
health. she will gladly inform me
that. 99 percent of the time. I'm
something of a hypochondriac.
(According to her. using Band
Aids is quite unnecessary. a prac-
tice best left to five~year-olds and
car~accident victims).

But when she looked me in
the eyes. having felt the little
ballpoint pebble we both knew
was there. I could tell that some-
thing was wrong.

We were definitely in I per-
cent territory

So I spent the rest of the night
more or less freaking out. I
phoned my insurance-providing
parents in Louisville and
demanded that doctor appoint-
ments be made. I drank beer. I
checked the Internet for more
information. learning. among
other things. that testicular can-
cer is the most common form of
cancer that afﬂicts men my age
(ages 15to 35). and that, although
accounting for only 1 percent of
all male cancers. it is the sine qua
non killer-cancer in young men.

Like me.

I drank more beer.

Around 3:30 a.m.. when the
beer was making it hard for me to
watch any more infomercials. I
went to bed. Sleep didn't come

easy. and when it did I had a hor-
rible nightmare.

I dreamt I was vacationing
with my decidedly hypothetical
future wife and kids at our
secluded farmhouse. I was out-
side the house. checking on fire-
wood or something, when it
began storming violently. Then.
from out of the shadows. a man
in a hockey mask strolled up to
me. He wielded a chainsaw. and
as he went about pulling the igni-
tion chord. I panicked. I ran in
circles around the farmhouse.
where my dream-family soundly
sleeping. unaware of their patri-
arch‘s unmanly performance in
the face of certain death.

When the chainsaw guy
finally gets his weapon of choice
up and running. all I could do
was I scream. but no sound came
out. as if my throat had already
been c