xt7fbg2hb298 https://exploreuk.uky.edu/dips/xt7fbg2hb298/data/mets.xml The Kentucky Kernel Kentucky -- Lexington The Kentucky Kernel 2004-10-05 Earlier Titles: Idea of University of Kentucky, The State College Cadet newspapers  English   Contact the Special Collections Research Center for information regarding rights and use of this collection. The Kentucky Kernel  The Kentucky Kernel, October 05, 2004 text The Kentucky Kernel, October 05, 2004 2004 2004-10-05 2020 true xt7fbg2hb298 section xt7fbg2hb298 Tuesday

October 5, 2004

www.kykernel.com
newsroom: 257-1915

first issue tree Subsequent issues 25 cents.

Kerrie

Celebrating 33 years of independence

 

Columnist: Xbox’s ‘Fable'
a dream come true

Page 4

Quarterback Woodson to see
playing time, too

Page 8

 

UK Parking spends $73,000 on three SUVs

By Dariush Shata

THE KENTUCKY KiRNfl

UK Parking and Trans
portation personnel are pa~
trolling campus in three new
2004 Toyota Highlanders.
which cost a little more than
$73000 to purchase.

While the money does not
come from students‘ tuition,
it does come from the money
the department collects
throughout the year. most of
which comes from parking
permits.

UK officials said that be
cause of the types of jobs
they do with their cars. they
didn't have much leeway in
selecting vehicles.

“Due to the nature of our
work. I don't see what other
options we have." said Don
Thornton. director of park
ing anrl transportation ser-

bought the four-wheel-drive
sport utility vehicles at
$24,358 each. The three SUVs
replace a pair of nine-year
old vehicles we a Chevrolet
Astro van and a Chevrolet S-
10 pick-up truck from the
service fleet.

The department current~
ly has eight other vehicles in
service. The Highlanders
along with an Astro. a
Chevrolet Blazer SUV. a
GMC Sonoma truck and a
Ford Explorer SUV are
equipped with four-wheel
drive.

Two other GMC Sonoma
trucks. another Chevrolet
Astro and a Ford Ranger
truck are equipped with
standard two-wheel drive.

Though other SUVs. such
as the Pontiac Vibe. were
considered, Thornton said
the deciding factor in the end

See on Page 2

, Aby-the-numbers breakdown
1 on UK Parking's new SUVs
tainly had a lot to do with it.“
Thornton said. "Once we
looked at consumer reports
versus other vehicles. it was
easy to decide."

UK’s purchasing depart-
ment conducted a bid
process with local car dealer-
ships and ended tip buying
the Highlanders from the
lowest bidder Toyota
South in Richmond. Ky.

()ne of the Highlanders is
now in use by the parking
and transportation supervi-
sor. ()ther parking enforce
ment officers use the other
two cars.

Thornton said UK also
brought in the cars to help

 

WWISTMT

vices.

Over the

summer. UK

were consumer reports.
“(Consumer reports) cer-

Eddie Wesley, a UK Parking and Transportation Services supervisor, leaves the Funkhouser parking lot in

See Parking on page 2

UK comedian draws from ‘bad words' of youth

RossDundflfia
on."

War and peace:

"Fighting doesn't solve
anything. You can't
change the way people
think. But you can sure
change the way that
bastard walks."

Starbucks:

“Starbucks cups are
made from 40 percent
recycled fibers, which

makes me feel a lot bet-
ter about throwing that
wooden stick in the
garbage after two
stirs."

His last date:

"it's as if the gods had

a contest to see who

could create the most

disgusting human be-
ing."

Cookie-cutter irls
who get dolle up
before an 8 am.
class:

"Use that extra time in
the morning to sleep.

You'll look a lot better

in the long run, kitten."

Christmas with family.

“I think I know why my
aunt always insisted on
giving me presents in-

stead of money - be-
cause it would be tacky
to give me the $4 she

was willing to spend on

me."

By Stephen Burnett
’iiié‘kiiiiickiitfiiirt

Ross Duncliffe said he discov
ered stand-up comedy by accident

right along with a whole new in-
teresting set of words.

“When l was about five years
old. my dad bought a Billy Joel
tape.” recounted the communica-
tionsjunior and host of UK‘s Come-
dy Caravan shows. “But when he
put it in the tape player. it wasn‘t
Billy Joel: it was Eddie Murphy’s
‘Delirious' probably the most fa.
motis comedy routine that he‘s
done."

And yes. Murphy used all kinds
of words Billy .loel would surely
never use.

That of course explains why
Duncliffe kept the tape in "a secret
hiding place" in the family base-
ment.

"1 was listening to it." Duncliffe
said. “and I could tell that he was
making people laugh. but I didn‘t
know what standup comedy was.

"And 1 definitely knew that they
were ‘bad words'” he said. "I was
just shocked that somebody was ac-
tually allowed to say that. But that
shaped my vocabulary from a
young age."

Duiicliffe's interest in comedy
continued as he grew older. and in
July 1998. seeing (‘hris Rock per-
form convinced him he had to try
his hand at it.

”i was watching (‘hris Rock on
television. and I just decided: I
think I could do that." he said.

"The first time l got on stage
was May of 2000. at the (‘omedy
(‘aravan in Louisville." during
open-mic sessions. Duncliffe said.
“Then the second time. a week lat-
er. at (‘omedy Off Broadway in Les
iiigtoii. I did a different five-minute
bit. and i still made a lot of people
laugh."

But then
horrible.

“1 got onstage." he said. “and I
tried a third different routine.
and I completely bombed out? And
for the next ten times on stage. once
again. I wasn‘t getting anything. No
laughs whatsoever"

“It took a while to get back on
the horse." Duiicliffe said. Tlic
laughs started coming back at
about his eleventh try

He learned he didn't have to say
something new every time Other
comedians. he said. had spent prob»
ably five or six years developing
their single routines and he was
trying to do fully original comedy
every time.

Since then. l)uncliffe spent two

the third time was

.ionnwt nun I surr

Ross Dunclitte, host of UK's Comedy Caravan shows. practices his standup routine yesterday at the
Cats Den in the Student Center. After graduation, Dunclifte wants to do standup comedy in Chicago,

summers training at the Second
(‘itv comedy club in (‘hicago and in
200‘: was voted "The Funniest Man
in Lexington" by (‘omcdv
Broadway.

“llis prize was a Job with us."
said Tom Sobei. president of t‘omo
dy (‘aravaii's parent company 'l'SM
Artists "Ross contacted me indicat
mg that he‘d like to see comedy as
regular programming on ['K cam
pits. and I said. ’tireat (‘ontact the
people in the Student .>\t‘il\ itics ()f
ficc

’l‘lio

t‘aravan's performances

tiff

have been going sincc tall .‘ooa. said
Winn Stevens. former assistant ili
rector for student activities.

“I don't knou hou Ross found
me." Stcvcns said. “but he came by
the office and said he was a coiiicdr
an and that he had “on the (‘omcdy
(ifl Broadway contest "

Stctciis and liiincliflc tit‘t‘ltit'tl
he would eniccc the shows and do
his oun stand up routines l)un~
cliflc has been doing that since

“I think he's been great."

See Comedian on page 3

Central Campus yesterday in one of three of the department's new Toyota Highlanders.

 

 

Comedy Caravan
grows after year
at UK Cats Den

By Stephen Burnett

'rit'k‘zu’r‘ufii term

After two semesters of Tues-
day night shows iii the Cats Den
of the Student Center. lfK's Com-
edy Caravan is adding weekly
Wednesday performances too.

“The series is going so well
this year that the university is
concerned. because they'd like
to have every student be able to
see it." said Tom Sobel. presi-
dent of (‘omedy (‘aravan‘s par-
ent company

Too many students were com-
ing to sortie of the Tuesday
shows. Sobel said. which could
violate fire codes,

Also. the popular Laugh
Track Live performances at Two
Keys Tavern were canceled re
cently. leaving another comedy
void.

Attt‘tlt‘izint‘t‘ there had dwin-
dled after passage of Lexington's
smoking ban. said l'K Comedy
t‘aravan emcee and communica»
tions junior Ross Duncliffc.

Florida comedian Dale Jones
is up next iii the (‘ats Den. slated
to do shows on both Tuesday and
Wednesday at 8 pm.

"It's paid for by the Student
Center. and the shows are free to
all students." l)uncliffc said.

Sobel said they're interested
in getting students to perform
for each other.

“We'd like to identify stu-
dents with interest in comedy.
stand-up. improv. magic. any
thing." Sobel said. “We're inter:
ested in identifying and support-
ing young talent "

Amateur comedians can only
hone their talents as if they
were pros. Sobt-l said.

“.-\ musician can learn and
rehearse in a room by himself."
ilt' said "But a comedian can
only learn and Work in a room
with a live audience (‘an we
find who the funniest student is
at l'K“

"Everybody wants to go
where there‘s a crowd." Sobel
said “And later you can say.
'Yi-ah. i saw (a performer) on
campus at (‘oiiiedy (‘aravaii be-
fore ht‘ became a star.”

Email
jean/res ii A‘ykernelrom

 

Caribbean celebration brings films, music, dance to campus

 

By Yohana Valdez
riir moucio ktiikti

To celebrate Hispanic
Heritage Month. l'K
launched its second annual
(‘aribbeaii Latino Week
Celebration yesterday with
video screenings of the
renowned l’uei‘to Rican
musical program “()cho
Puertas."

The Weeklong celebra
tion is sponsored by the
Martin Luther King Jr.
Cultural (‘enter a divi»

"People get in their
own comfort zone. i
would encourage
people to come out
and participate. "
Todd Newbern

politic it went 9 senior

sion of the Office for Mill
ticiiltural and Academic
Affairs and the Latino

American Student tlrgani
lation.

(‘ultural (‘eiitcr l)iri-c
tor Ricardo Nazario (‘olon
said the purpose lor the
celebration is "to show a
different side of Latinos
than the (image of) mi
grant Workers "

“Though their status is
very important. Latinos
are more than that. and we
are highlighting other as
pects "

Organization l‘rcsideiit

Alberto (iarcta said the an
iiual fcstiyitics were estab
lished i£l\I year because
“there was nothing on cam»
pus that (officially) ceier
brated Latino culture "

The organization is an
independent student orga
nization that celebrated its
inauguration this time last
year

Its purpose is to pro-
mote Latino interaction on
campus. increase cultural
awareness and Latino re

cruitniciit and retention at
l‘k'. and to integrate the
Latino and Lexington corti-
munities.

Vice President Tracy
Bonilla said she encour-
ages participation from the
community as a whole.

"It is open to all people.
not just Latinos." she said,

Todd Newbern. a politi~
cal science senior. went to
yesterday's showing of
“()cho Puertas" and said

See Culture on page 3

O

 

 

SeeonPage3

A calendar of events for
Caribbean/wine leek
Celebration

Ways to get more Infor-
mation about the
celebration

 

 

 

 PAGE 2 I Tuesday Oct. 5, 2004

eds: studs:tasted“negate bomber

By Richard B. Schmitt

IOS MILES TIIES

WASHINGTON Federal
authorities on Monday ac-
cused a Zfryearold student al
ready in custody in Britain of
conspiring with "shoe
bomber" Richard Reid to
bring down a Paris-to-Miami
flight. saying he ntay have
had designs on destroying
other aircraft attd targets.

The sevenvcount indict
ment. unsealed Monday in

Barking

Continued from page 1

transport essential person»
nel on campus during in-
clement weather. especially
when Plan B ”(Is bad
weather protocol for employ
ees to report to work goes
into effect.

The Highlanders will
serve as substitutes for l’K‘s
regular bus fleet. he said.

“Especially with a large
medical center. sometimes
it‘s imperative to get people
to work.“ Thornton said.

The ice storm in Febru
ary 2003 has been the only
implementation of Plan B in
the past two years.

Political science profes-
sor Ernie Yanarella. also
Chairman of the University
Senate. said that he doesn't
agree with the purchase.

“I think it‘s a terrible
symbol for the parking and
transportation people to
make this choice." he said
“SUVs do absolutely nothing
to help the US out in energy
and independence. The I‘m-
versity of Kentucky ought to
be something of a role mod
el.“

Yanarella said that the
university's priorities in pur-
chasing vehicles should have
been first and foremost. safe-
ty. with fuel economy being
second and vehicles that are
“not quite so ostentatious "

Officials at other tintyer
sities both lTK hench
marks and in-state universt~
ties said they are satistied

Boston. accuses Sajid Mo-
ltantttted Badat of attempted
murder. trying to destroy an
aircraft attd aiding attd abet
ting Reid.

Last month. he pleaded
not guilty itt a British court
to charges of plotting to blow
up aircraft. He is scheduled to
go on trial there itt February

We believe that it is ap-
propriate that he face justice
in the United States of Amer-
ica. and we will seek his ex-

witlt their own parking vehi-
cles. usually utility pickup
trucks or compact cars.

Sarah Blouch. director of

parking and transportation
at the Ohio State University.
said ()Slf ltas experimented
with adding Jeep Cherokees
to its current force of Ford
Taurus vehicles.

Blouch added that Sll\'s
like the Toyota Highlander
are ttot something they
would consider too closely.

“I doubt we‘d go to any
thing quite that nice." she
said.

Diane Brown. a Universi-
ty of Michigan spokes-
woman, said their nitte Ford
Taurus vehicles work well
for them. despite Michigan's
reputation for inclement
winter weather.

"We're very satisfied with
their use and flexibility."
Brown said

"(‘ars are perfectly satis»
factory for our parking ens
forcentent use," said Mark
Jozet‘owtcz. director of puh
ltc safety at Eastern Kett-
tucky l'nlverstty Although
EKI' does most of its parks
ing enforcement on foot or iii
two oldet‘rtnodel Ford Ranger
pickttp trucks. he said other
factors dictate what vehicles
to use

"It all depends on what
your needs are." he said.

Some students don't
agree with l'K's purchase.

"I cart understand somiL
what. but they don‘t need to
buy that expensive of a four-
I)_\ tour." said David Schulz. a
psychology sophomore

E-ma t/
(/s‘lom u A'_\‘A'(’I‘Ili‘/.(‘()m

tradition." US. Attorney (len-
eral Johtt Ashcroft said at a
news conference announcing
the indictment.

The indictment alleges
that itt Septetnber 2001. lladat
and Reid began communicat-
ing through a series of clan-
destine e-mail accounts
plotting shoe-bomb attacks
against American interests
“including but ttot limited to
botttbittg American aircraft
itt flight."

 

Highlander
by-the-numbers

It the total price tag for the
three Highlander SUVs was
$73,074 and each cost
$24,358, what is that equiva-
lent to?

One Highlander is equivalent
to:

I 148 C Lot. R Lot or K
Lot passes at $164 per pass

I 406 evening student
parking passes at $60 per
pass

I 90 E Lot passes at
$270 per pass

I 338 student motorcycle
passes at $72 per pass

I 50 employee/service
passes at $480 per pass

The amount spent on the
three Highlanders is equiva-
lent to:

I 445 C Lot. R Lot or K
Lot student parking passes

I l,217 evening student
parking passes

I 270 E Lot employee
parking passes

I l,0l5 student motorcycle
parking passes

I 152 employee/service
parking passes

 

 

 

 

3133'-
f mmmedyl

Dole Jones

Both nights, 8:00 PM in the Student Center Cats Den

...so wild that he leaves audiences envious of his energy.
...a comedy club favorite around the United States

.9

c~
Cy

“I“
.1... '

 

 

 

mm,
A <§<

Lnnmark Store

189 Moore Drive SALE ENDS SATURDAY

 

 

ALL CAMPING GEAR
ON SALE

TENTS - PACKS - SLEEPING BAGS -
CLIMBING GEAR - ACCESSORIES

10-30% OFF

EST 1830

WOOLRICH

mmmmwy'

Men‘s 8.
Women‘s

 

 

 

Sportswear 8. Fleece
Outerwear

 

20-30% OFF

ALL ON NO...-
SALE

 

Gregory Acadia

reg. $199 //A
SALE $149 aka

SHOES -
IOO’S OF STYLES ON SALE

Casual & Waterproof Outdoor Shoes

ALL ON SALE

ROCKPORT - TIMBERLAND
SEBAGO - ECCO

HIKING SHOES
Over 60 Styles Now on Sale

 

 

a

$10.“) OFF ALL MERRELL SHOES 8: BOOTS
M ‘ & W '
en 8 omen 8 ONLY

Bill lElIGEIlIITEflPIIlIlII s69.99
BREATHIBIE IIAIIISIIIIS s99'."99

20% ill

MEN’S & WOMEN‘S
SPORTSWEAR

 

 

MERRIEILL

montraII

-1,
or

 

 

PRE- WASHED JEANS

Cczrhcrirtilmmm-$27 99

mm” 31mm“

ALL WORKWEAR ON SALE WORK & SAFETY SHOES

 

11 years

 

l on Moore Dr.

1 Servtng Central KY
Since 197?

189 Moore Drive (0H Nicholaeville Road - across from K-Mart) - 278-0750

Moe *Fl'l 10am-8pm I ':,at lrLam 6pm 0 ‘vor ‘y .‘ipm

 

 

 

 

 

ENGINEERING CAREER FAIR
Wednesday, October 6, 2004
10:00 AM — 3:00 PM
Student Center Grand Ballroom

Adtran, Inc. Alcoa, Inc. Altec Industries * Belcan
Advanced Engineering & Technology Burgess 8:
Niple Cabinet for Health and Family Svcs Office of

Technology Cinergy Civil & Environmental
Consultants CSX * Cummins Inc. Cypress
Semiconductor Denham-Blythe Company, Inc.
Fuller, Mossbarger, Scott, and May Engineers, Inc.
GE Consumer & Industrial Cilbane Building Co.
GRW, Inc. Harris Corporation HMB Professional
Engineers * Honda of America Manufacturing Inc. *
Indiana Department of Transportation Keyence
Corporation of America KimIey-Horn and
Associates Inc. * Lexmark * Link-Belt Construction
Equipment Company LJB Inc. Messer
Construction Mitsubishi Electric Automobile
America Inc. National Security Agency Office of
Surface Mining Ohio Department of Transportation
Palmer Engineering Co. Pennsylvania Department
of Transportation Procter & Gamble * Rayloc *
Raytheon Summit Engineering Tennessee Valley
Authority Tetra Tech Inc. TransDigitaI * Toyota
Motor Manufacturing Turner Construction
Unique Indoor Comfort University of Kentucky
Human Resources UPS * US Air Force, 332d
Recruiting Squadron/ Officer Accessions US Army
US Navy * Weycrhaeuser

*

For More InchtirrTiation Go To:
http://www.engr.uky.edu/~swefair/career.html

 

 

 

 

 Tuesday Oct. 5, 2004 | PAGE 3

 

COATING CAMPUS

“15.1% mega.

MWHNWEHMAYWMHHHT

 

: Comedian

Continued from page i

 

 

 

 

Stevens said. “He‘s got such
a passion about comedy and
being a comedian Ross's
real tribute has been A)
he's sa very funny comedian
and B) that he‘ s been doing
so well promoting the pro-
gram."

[)uncliffe has especially
done “a lot of grassroots
word-of-mouth about the
program." Stevens said. in
addition to promotion by
the Student Activities
Board.

Now. Duncliffe is three
hours short of senior rank
ing and will put his commu-
nications degree to work
only long enough to start
living off his stand—up busi-
ness.

“After I graduate. l‘m
probably going to move to
Chicago." he said. “id say
that would be my first stop
and I'll keep working on
comedy up there.

“Comedy is definitely
what I want to do in life."
Dunclift‘e said. “I really
don't think I would be happy
doing anything else."

 

 

8H1 THUR!
‘1 TE Hr AIR I

 

mm mun | surr
Physical plant employee Danny Creech paints the apex of the Taylor
Education Building last Tuesday afternoon.

E-mal’l
featuresw kykernelcmn

Culture

Continued from page i

he participates in activ»
ities sponsored by both
the cultural center and
the organization. in»
cluding last year‘s po»
litieal forum on Iraq.

He said he attends
for the cultural diversi»
ty to learn about issues
different from “hat he
is used to.

“People get in their
own comfort zone."
Newbern said. “i would
encourage people to
come out and partici-
pate."

Email
features 1: A‘_\'A‘ernel.c(mz

CALENDAR OF EVENTS

Today
What: "Voces de Latino America"
(Veices of Latin America)
When: ll a.m. - 2 pm.
Where: Student Center Free Speech
Area

Wednesday
What: Trinidad Tripoli Steel Band
When: 5 pm. - 6:30 p.m.
Where: Blazer Courtyard

Thursday
What: Estilo Hip Hop documentary
with live performance
by Brazil's LF artist
When: 4 pm. - 6:30 pm.
Where: Student Center Cats Den

Friday
What; Salsa in the Patio
When: 2 pm. - 4 pm.
Where: Student Center Free Speech
Area

 

 

Caribbean festival info

For more details, please call the Mar-
tin Luther King Jr. Cultural Center at 257-
4130 or e-mail mlkcc®uliy.edu.

In conjunction with Martin Luther
King Jr. Cultural Center, the Multicultural
Affairs Office at Lexington Community
College will be holding a Latino celebra-
tion next week. Events combining educa-
tion and entertainment will include liter-
ary readings and salsa dancing at the LCC
AT Building Oct. 13. Students can contact
Hispanic Services Coordinator Maria Sad-
er at 257-4872 ext. 4372 for more infor-
mation.

Students can write to l_a_s_o_uk
@yahoocom to request information about
upcoming events such as free salsa
lessons (every Friday from 2 pm. - 4 pm.
at the Student Center Free Speech area)
and weekly meetings.

 

 

 

( //(/.\.\'/i‘ ///t'.u (/I’A'lil'i‘si'llls

Wfi‘ax‘d

H \\l l)\\llH l’l\l\ll.()\

l).\l\l\ \llHL ( )l

'I‘UICSI)AY, ()(1'l‘()BlCR 5,
WORSHAM THEATRE

llll..\l(

 

 

FREE

 

 

- HUT DUES
FOR UK STUDENTS

EPIIIAI {MAX/h?» If} If“ r‘DU4-OS
OI Y'HF’M" ‘npnfi‘i‘y fiiJI'B'k‘iURS:
RAUSIRUI 1‘51. RINK! (Hr ‘5 :5 “if H! UFISKY'S

 

l studentamivmiogggd

mo

RCKXJA

nadaymctober 20
8PMn$day grand ballroom

tickets on sale NOW
studemsmayuseplusaocount

$3 (uk/lcc students)
$5Mth (faculty/staff)

wrthproper lD
$7( (gen. public)
o’ckeimasmr
Student renter

flr‘knt fifflij‘
8‘19 2‘) 7 ’lCS

l

 

 

      

  
   
 
  
  
  
  
   
 
 
  
  
  
   
     
   
 
 
  
   
   
 
   
   
     
     
  
   
   
 
  
  
  
   
  
    
      
  
    
     
   
  
  
   
    
   
   
   
  
   
       

     
 
 
  
 

   

Tuesday
Oct. 5, 2004
PAGE 4

Crystal Little
Features Editor
Phone: 2514915

E-moil: clittleOkykemeltom

 

 

 

TECHCHECK I not just for geeks

‘Fable’:

Fable. the long awaited
and much debated offering
from Peter Molyneux's Lion-
head Studios Ltd.. was finally
released this month. and I'm
thoroughly pleased with the
results. It stands as the epito-
me of the action-RPG genre
with simple. intuitive con-
trols. a small ~ but effective
—— cadre of magic spells and
a tried~and-true story with a
nice sense of humor.

Fable takes your generic
young hero and
pitches him face-first
into the realm of Al-
bion where he must
take up the role of ei-
ther the heroic do.
gooder or the
essence of corrup-
tion.

Essentially. every
action you take af-
fects your alignment
in some way; you re-
ceive evil and good
points for each deed
and those in turn determine
your alignment.

Personally. I loved the
changes my character went
through on his way to becom-
ing a true champion of the
depraved. slowly changing
from a fairly normal-looking
youth into a horned beast-
man with glowing red eyes
and cloven feet.

The Hero (initially re-
ferred to as Chicken Chaser)
is also judged based on
renown (how well known you
are). attractiveness (hey. baby

EbeTty Film Festival parodies MichaelMoore

By William saith
THE WASHINGTON POST

WEST HOLLYWOOD.
Calif. A UN. weapons inspec
tor Hans Blix: “."Booooo For
mer ambassador and CIA
spouse Joe Wilson: "Traitor!"
Al Gore: “Uggggh.” And the
scariest size XXXL bogeyman
of all. Michael Moore. whose
every appearana) sets this par-
tisan crowd into hissing fits.

Billed as Hollywood‘s first
conservative film festival. the
threeday Liberty Film Festival
showcased comic shorts. one
about the “ultimate minority"
in Tinseltown (Greg Wolfe: Re»
publican Jew). an epic homage
to Ronald Reagan and his battle
against Soviet communism (In
the Face of Evil) and a snappy
doc on tart-tongued commenta-
tor Ann Coulter (Is It True

 

Joshua
Kempton

KERNEL COLUMNIST

A true Xbox fairy tale

,. look at me) and scariness
(oogieboogie-boo). All of this
affects how the non-player
characters within the game
react to you. whether they
fall immediately in love with
Chicken Chaser. mock him
mercilessly or run screaming
in the opposite direction at
the slightest provocation.

There are many things to
do to while away your time
in Albion. as opposed to actu-
ally completing quests to fur-
ther the game.

You can buy and
rent out property.
shoplift from the 10-
cal stores. consume
alcohol until you
vomit. get married.
eat until obesity. kill
abstract villagers.
cross~dress and fart
yourself mindless
(yes. you have the
ability to fart and
belch at will: the tru-
ly vile can fly the
bird. curse and perform vul-
gar crotch thrusts).

True. most of this is juve-
nile. but it is highly amusing.

The gameplay works won-
derfully. Combat and interac-
tions are streamlined and al-
low you to go from hacking at
a foe's head with your obsidi-
an greataxe to frying him
with a lightning blast with
amazing ease.

The selection of magic is
rather small. but each spell
serves its purpose well and
has four different levels of

 

power.

Weapon selection is fairly
decent. with the two basic
categories of ranged and
melee and several different
types within those. including
mace. axe. katana.
greatsword. longbow and
crossbow and different mate-
rial types within those cate~
gories.

Clothing and armor op-
tions are also quite extensive
with items ranging from sim-
ple villager trousers to dress
gloves to dark chainmail
boots (to crush flowers un-
derfoot).

The game is flexible
enough to allow for a couple
of different styles of play.
You can go with either a
straight melee-based charac
ter or opt to play a will (read:
magic) using character. or
you can mix and match to
your heart‘s content.

Fable is graphically stun-
ning. Everything is well-renA
dered and colorful. with
amazing lighting and water

 

Vlhat They Say About Annh.

But there is a law in
physics that for every action
there is a reaction. and the fes-
tival played out like an an-
guished and earnest rebuttal to
the fantabulous success (and.
according to these conservative
filmmakers. lies) of Michael
Moore and his ($200 million in
international box office and
climbing) anti-Bush assault
Fahrenheit .9111.

Moore played a starring
role in four of the documen-
taries screened to several hun-
dred attendees: In Michael
Moore Hates America. de-
scribed by filmmaker Mike
Wilson as his “devastating ex-
pose of real people exploited by
Moore to make a buck." In Cel
sins 41.11. or "the temperature
at which the brain begins to
die.“ directed by David Bossie

of the conservative advocacy
group Citizens United. In talk
show host Larry Elder‘s
Michael & Me. about the bene-
fits of gun ownership. And fi-
nally. in Confronting [mg by
Roger Amnoff of the group Ac-
curacy in Media. which used a
PowerPoint~like construction
in its attempt to deflate Moore
and “the bitter left" peaoeniks
and Kerry's “cut and run" pres-
idential candidacy.

The festival was organized
by husband-wife duo Jason
Apuzzo and Govindini Murry
and underwritten by the Foun-
dation for Free Markets. which
likes privatizing Social Securi-
ty. cutting taxes and issuing
school vouchers.

The foundation's leader.
Paul Harberger. applauded the
“courage and conviction“ of
Apuzzo and Murty and an-

effects. I did experience some
major slow-down at times.
which is strange for an XBox
game.

Aside from slow-downs.
the only major gripe I have is
the game‘s length. Some may
find it too short , if you sim-
ply play the quests out and
don‘t bother with the extra-
neous details. you can blast
through it in about 13 or 14
hours. That's a far cry from
the 80-plus involved with
most Final Fantasy games.

Overall. Fable is an amaz-
ing game. It combines the
best elements of games like
The Legend of Zelda and
Grand Theft Auto: Vice City
and somehow manages to
add even more. Length and
slow-down notwithstanding.
Fable is a must-own XBox
game and belongs in your li
brary with Halo. Prince of
Persia." The Sands of Time
and Star Wars: Knights of
the Old Republic.

E—mail
featuresu ltykernelcom

nounced the birth of conserva-
tive film as “the front lines in
the battle for the hearts and
minds" of Americans.

Murry said Hollywood is in»
fested by liberal goo—goos who
despise “mainstream Ameri
can values" and refuse to givr
over their studio budgets to
films from the conservative
perspective. “the family-friend-
ly fare for middle Amerim.“

The message of Holly-
worxi‘s liberal bias was not uni
versally embraced by atten—
dees. Victor Elizalde. a Sony
Pictures executive who is run
ning as a Republican chal»
Ienger against Rep. Henry Wax.
man. I)-(‘alif.. appeared on the
panel ”Conservative Filmmak
ing 101" and sought to explain
that what makes Hollywood
run is not so much idmlogy as
money

 
  

Free dinner

every Wednesday night

 

STUDENTS,

Please Joan us for a great meal
and a brief worship service

Refresh your

5
I Spirit

every Wednesday night
St. Augustine‘s Chapel
7 pm Meal
8 pm for Worship
472 Rose Street

 

 

lutheranepiscopalCM uk Icc<3vqx.net

254-3726 or 489-1222

 

 

 

_ Saturday
night

I UK Football
EsmflzalL Dart
Miller Lite

Tournament
Pitchers
MAlAHU P06 Karoake

$535
Tuesday

AND Gllllt
239 Surfside

 

loam Irixa ”32:31?" _ NEI-
7:30 pm . m

Rafferty s Buckets of
W Miller Lite &
10 Pm Lonestar $10

 

 

Wm

Midnight- 2 am
Pitchers of “MALABLUE” $8.75
Miller Lite, Lonestar Longnecks $1.5°

 

OPEN LATE TUESDAY- SATURDAY!

 

 

 

 

Como:

UK Am Mumm, $8.00 Admloolon

Student Cantor

(lllllll (Allllllll

Week of October 4— October 10

w . an this . 4 0‘414‘4'islr'i‘l’vqlp"iiyTilo‘lV‘Til'I‘i‘\yl‘lhfl"AITVT[J\ grungy...” 5" “my ("9*
.- a «t mm .m t .li'Wl 4 .n u i. . FREE .1 N‘l Mix emoiw m l.“ wcm l
x‘ will»). at hnp Ilwww uky 9du/Compul Colondor ’ .i 2573867 ' 1' “ow
mi. . . “
MEEIINGS

'Iootlot Station! Union'o Englioh Convonotlon Clan.

mm. ‘29 Cohmblo Avmo Tues
'Boptln an“!!! Union TNT. 1:30p". 420 Colunlhh Avo.

'an Mummy Low swoon" Mutiny. 1mm». Sludont

Cm. loom I I I

SPORT!

'Shoolln-Do Club Mooflng. 6:006:30pm, Alumni Gym Loft. 860 l)" oomootor l‘oo
'UK Foncino Club, amount-10:00"... luoll Armory on Admlnlosrotlnn 0:.

‘UK Wotov Ski Club. 51009!!! OFF CAMPUS. Coll (859)983-4123 lo: moro inlo.
AMOVIES

'UK Animo. Tokyo God'nhonl Int-null: 5555. 6.00pm, Cont-v Tumor. Studom

"Open tho Guns of Consciouonou: An Nouvoou Glou and Penny.” Noon-5pm.

"Con Aqua do Clollo', Monday-Friday, I 1:000m-5:00pm. Rondo“ An Gollory.

      
   
       
      

 

 

 

Ol'l'l go through
college drunk.

The moiorily of UK students don't drink as much
as you think. In foot, 98% said it is risky to drink
r ‘75 mm everyday.

    
   
   
  
   
    
   
    
  

 

—-—- THE TRUTH l8...-—--

BIGGER l3
BEHUTIFULLER.

 

 

“will" Willy.t

WWWRSMFNTHTTWTHMSEM
JWMMMSMISEXVQWSW
MMWSJIWHIIBWELIIUS

LET THE TRUTH BE KMWM

Shit ,9!

LL.

 

 

 

Comer

MEETINGS

Morkot South Compul

SPECIAL EVENTS

Conlov. Cm Don. FREE

Coliooo a! Agricultun
ARTS/MOVIES

.‘m Comov

MEE TING 3

Como: Tho-tor

SPORTS

ARTS/MOVIES

Studont Conn"
AIYWOVIFS

S! 00 diocount
mo

Moon

SMClAl [VINYI

Alumna

 

‘Claooic Tum-yo moon“ "Winn! of 01". 8’00pm, Wovohom Thonro, 5mm

'MCL. anch Division'l Tabla Francoise, French COI‘VU'IRIIOII
Group. 3 00 4 30pm, Sludont Cent-u Room 206

'Lovondor Society Mtg , 7 009m, Student Corner Room 228
‘Coto For Christ Mtg. 7 00pm. Stud-n1 Cantor, Room 230

'UK Fellowship 0' Chviotion Alhlotno Mtg . 8 000m Upnoin oi tho Common-

'UK Pro V0! Cluh Mtg, 7 309m, Ag Nonh 12
'Boptin Studont Union “The Rock", 9'00pm. 429 Columhlo Avo , Grooko building
o oolld onlrltuoi hound-tion- om flop n o (lino

'Comody Convon prooonto Dolo Janos. 3:00pm. .tudom
'Contlol Komuclly Blood Comov lo honlng - Blood Dnvo,

8:00un—42009m. In tho Bloodmobllo locotod outoldo ol tho

"Opon tho Coto- of Conulouonou. M Nouvoou Gina: and Penny." Noon-Upon.
UK Am Moo-um, 38.00 Adanloolon
“Con Anuo do Cbllo'. IondorFrHoy, 1 VOOpmABMDvn. Rood-ll An Gollory,

'Coootivo Wm Col-nor. moon-mom, WJ’. Young History. Writing Cont". 3th
floor "waldo. by noon Invent-(ion coil tho Wining Como: or 137-1300

'Wolloy Foundation Focul Wonhlp. 7 309m. Studont Contor.

'Chriltlon Studont Follow-hip pvooonto "Synergy", 8 009m,
CSF Bullding on tho count 0' Woodland and Columbia

'UK Fonclng Club. 3 009m I0 00pm, Buoll Armory on Admlnllnotian Dr
'Shoolln 00 Club Moonng, b 00 6 309m. Alumni Gym Loft. 860 pow oomonov loo
'Dvoooago 'oom Mootlng, 5 009m Stud-n! Cont", Noam H5

"'0ppu tho Go'oo o! Con-clouonool An Nouvnou Gin" ond Pointy." Noon Dom,

UK An- Muooum. 88 00 Admloolnn
' “Con Aqua do Clollo", Monday Friday, ll 000m 5 009m. Rood-ll Art Gollovy.

"Opon tho Oo'oo o' Conocinulnooo Art Nnuvonu Gin" anti Ponory." Noon Ipm.
UK Ann Muooum, 8. 00 Admloolon
'Woodotocll Novloitod. 3 00m. 'lnglotory Conn" for tho Ar“. Sludontl vocoivo o

'0! Font.” In AM, Kiel: o" l2:30pni. Comnonwooioh

"0nonioo¢ooooo0¢onoolo-nooo:Anloouvoo-Oloooono

”Immune-MM“

'Nonoocovnlng BI Inn/Wont. I 009m. UK Avbovotum

”Goon tho Oovoo o! Conoclouonooo An Nouvoou on... Ind
Panory." Noon I’m, UK Ano Mu-oum on 00 Admin-ion

Wed 6

Thurs 7

8

8.9 *
s...1 O

 

 

 

 Tuesday
Oct. 5, 2004
PAGE 5

Jeff Patterson
Assistant Sports Editor
Phone: 257~l9t5 I Emil: sportsfiitylernelxom

 

SPORTS BRIEFS

Ult sophomore
tennis player
Sarah Foster
prepared for
tournament
play this weelc
end at the
Hilary J. Boone
Tenn